On the brink

Moving to NYC has been an amazing experience in so many ways.  I can't believe it's been almost 3 weeks since my last blog post - time flies like crazy when you're having fun.  There has been so much going on in my life, job applications, dating, friends visiting, visiting family, and on and on.

With everything that's been happening, I feel like I'm right on the brink.  Of everything.  I'm on the brink of finding an amazing job...  or on the brink of finding a mediocre job for now with an amazing job in the works on the horizon.  I'm on the brink of finding a fantastic man who inspires me intellectually, keeps me giggling, makes me feel beautiful, and gives me goosebumps, who wants to be in a relationship.  I'm on the brink of almost figuring out exactly who I am and who I want to be and coming to terms with all of that.  

The other night I went out with my bff Lauren who was in town, and my roomie Matt.  Lauren went home either to get pretty and go out with a local man that she met via online dating or to go to sleep because she and Dominic left early the next morning.  Matt and I were at one of our favorite local haunts, Branded.  I sang a couple of very raspy karaoke songs (and got a compliment from a nice old lady who said, "Even though your voice is blown out, I could tell you sing well and I look forward to seeing you back here once you recover.") and ended up sitting at the bar with Matt and my favorite bartender at Branded, Alex.  Alex has this amazing ridiculous white-man-afro thanks to his Italian roots and hipster tendencies.  I have never really wanted curly hair, but dang, I do admire a good head of curly hair.  ***I interrupt this thought to mention that I found my first grey EYEBROW hair yesterday.  What?!?!  My eyebrows are now going grey!?  Not cool, body, not cool.  Carry on with your previously scheduled blog.***  So Matt and I somehow get to talking about life and jobs and my hormones and the whiskey got to me and I had a good ole bar-cry.  

For those of you who are reading this blog because my life is way different than yours and you don't know what a bar-cry is, let me enlighten you.  A bar-cry is when you sit at the bar with a good friend, probably with a glass or two of wine or beer or in this particular case some whiskey (I'm learning to love the brown stuff again) and you talk about a sensitive topic and tears come to your eyes and you surreptitiously wipe them away when they fall down your cheeks as you deep share with your friend about life and its meaning and how your favorite boots gave you a blister the other day and you feel betrayed.

But seriously, I had a fantastic chat with Matt and he listened and asked good questions and gave me supporting comments while I talked about some of my deepest fears and frustrations and got really vulnerable.  Alex was kind and let me and Matt talk and eventually joined in and also had some great words of advice and encouragement.

One of my greatest strengths is also one of my biggest weaknesses.  I put bad or negative feelings away in a file drawer in the back of my mind, so that I can push forward and survive and stay positive.  This works well when I have little bumps in the road, but I have been unemployed for six months now and I have a lot of negative thoughts in my head and I needed to get them out.  I absolutely feel and know that this move to NYC was meant to be and I am destined to be here and my experience, knowledge, and skills will be put to use in their very best way soon enough.  But there are moments where I feel intimidated, useless, lame, like a loser, dumb, lame, all of these horrible negative words that are not true in the least bit.  I am a powerful, smart, vivacious, gregarious and passionate woman and I know that I am here for a purpose.

Megan made a good point to me the other day, my career thus far has been pretty great, progressing fast and furious through the years.  I mean, I was a Vice President at Bank of America before I was 30 years old.  Sure, there are a bunch of VPs at BofA, but it was a significant accomplishment and I will always be proud of that.  Megan also said to me, "Maybe this is just your time to be humble, to start over, to reevaluate and remember what it means to work hard."  That really resonated with me.  Maybe I was just too cocksure of myself, maybe this is God's way of saying, "Whoa girl, I gave you talents but let me remind you of where you started."  Whatever His plan is, I'm fully open to it and I'm ready to get back to work.

I am a little superstitious right now so I won't share all the details, but today was a day full of great progress in regard to jobs.  And believe you me, this girl is determined to make her mark on NYC.  This great city needs a joyful, obnoxiously optimistic, honest, meticulous Californian and this city needs her bad.

These days, getting a job is top of my mind.  But I'm still enjoying every moment here with Megan, Matt, our friends, and even extended family that I'm meeting for the first time.  My depression is completely gone and I feel strong, happy, determined, and I know I'm right on the brink.  Keep those prayers coming, because everything is about to fall into place.

NYC life - Cyclists

Living in New York City, you might think that one of the first posts I'd write is about the taxis and how crazy the drivers are.  But I think everyone kind of expects taxi drivers to be crazy and erratic and drive like bats out of hell, right?  In one of my favorite movies, Elf, Buddy gets hit by a taxi while walking across the street in Manhattan.  I have not come close to being hit by a taxi, thankfully (fingers crossed and knock on wood!).  But I have come close to being creamed by a bicyclist at least a half dozen times.

Bikes in the city?  Yup.  Now you might think that most of them are bicycle messengers, but I don't know that I've even seen one of those (granted, I don't spend a ton of time in Manhattan during the day yet).  Most of the people I see on bikes are just regular folks like you and I, going to the park or the store or commuting to work.  I'd venture to say that 80% of the bicycle riders in NYC are buttholes, by the way, because they have no regard for rules, regulations, or pedestrians walking - even if the pedestrians have a green walk sign.  
If you don't know already, jaywalking is the norm in NYC, people walk across the street despite what the signals indicate, as long as there isn't any traffic or it's stopped dead.  I've already learned to be wary of those sneaky ninja electric cars like the Prius, which sneak up on you and you have no idea that they are even close to you.  Although I don't really see a lot of Priuses (Prii?) here, I have also learned that the other ninjas that attack without a growling engine are those damn cyclists.

Manhattan has a plethora of Citi Bike stations, so you're guaranteed to see a bunch of clunky blue bikes zooming around as you walk the busier areas in the city.  Brooklyn has a bunch of Citi Bike stations as well, but you see more standard cycles here.  The current mayor of NYC, Mike Bloomberg - a man who is talked about passionately on a regular basis by every single New Yorker, much more so than any LA mayor - has created a much more bike-friendly city.  I think it's great, for the environment, for people's health, and for the noise pollution of horns.  So props to you, Mr. Bloomberg!  How very west coast of you.  Ha...

Anyway, the cyclists here are increasing in number, which is great and all, but they need to learn some cycling etiquette and follow the rules, man!  On the Citi Bike website, it advises the following:


In NYC, cyclists must:

• Yield to pedestrians
• Stay off the sidewalk
• Obey traffic lights
• Ride with traffic

Hmmmmm, that's funny.  On a daily basis I see cyclists breaking ALL of those guidelines.  When I cross the street - legally or jaywalking - I have to look carefully in both directions because the sneaky bike ninjas appear out of nowhere without warning and race by me.  They sure as hell don't yield to pedestrians!  I also see bikes on the sidewalk a lot.  In Pasadena I regularly rebuked bike riders and yelled out, "It's a sideWALK, not a sideCYCLE!"  I continue this verbal admonishment in NYC, of course.  Obey traffic lights?  Yeah right!  Bicyclists here apparently are severely colorblind, because they pay no attention to traffic lights, or stop signs, or pretty much any rule of the road.  Hence my heightened "look both ways" policy when crossing the street.  As for the last guideline, ride with traffic, I will say that most bike riders do follow this.  However, in the increasingly hipster neighborhood that I live in, I see more folks riding against the grain.  

To be fair, some pedestrians walking along the streets or in parks are moronic and present a particularly challenging obstacle course for cyclists.  On my walks in Prospect Park, I regularly see walkers in the bicycle lanes (even though the asphalt is helpfully painted in bright white with symbols indicating where you are supposed to walk/bike).  There are traffic lights in the park that are supposed to let folks cross the loop with safety, but remember that the cyclists don't obey lights so the signals are pretty much futile.  Crossing the bike lane can be a little bit like Frogger, but since 99.99% of the bikes in the park are all going the same way, it's relatively simple.  Wait for the bikes to pass and then hustle across to the walk/run path.  I once saw two teenager girls playing chicken with the cyclists (and these were the serious guys with the abundance of spandex), and the girls did a little dance back and forth, never fully committing to crossing the cycle path.  One cyclist was stopping, trying to yield to the girls, but all of the dancing and waffling didn't help him, and the bike actually clipped one of the girls as he passed by (slowly, he wasn't speeding at this point).  The girl was clearly in the wrong in this situation, and the cyclist circled back to make sure she was ok before he continued on.  So I'll admit that pedestrians need to pay more attention too.

If and when you ever come to visit us here in NYC, and you haven't been here before or it's been a while - be forewarned.  The bikes are vicious ninjas who are full of metal and knobby tires and mean-looking pedals, and they will appear when you least expect them and it could be a nasty crash if you're not paying attention.  But if you are paying attention, and some butthole cyclist is coming at you when you have the green walking man signal, feel free to yell at them in your best fake NY accent, "HEY!  I'M WALKIN' HERE!!!"  Not only is it cathartic, but it might also save your life.