Do You Miss It?

Last week I had one, no, make that two, encounters of, "Do you miss it?"  The first one was with a girlfriend/colleague from home and we were talking about work extra-curriculars and how I still felt very compelled to stay active and a part of the conversations for the local committee we had helped to build and cultivate back home.  After I apologized for chiming in about local-related items that I knew she had a handle o, but that I still felt drawn to contribute, she asked me, "Could it be that you are missing home?"  That question surprised me, truly.  Had me cock my head and scratch it and think to myself, "Is this why I'm still invested in this committee?"  Because I still wanted to feel like I had a place there like I was still a part of it?  I had, after all, helped to make it was today because I took ownership and because it matter to me.  People, culture, synergy, matters to me.  It's an important and integral part of life that I believe makes people, makes relationships, makes LIFE.  That was the first time "Do you miss it" came up.

Second time was after having had a talk with my Pops aka Padre aka Daddio during which he asks me, "Do you ever miss it?  Do you ever think, 'What have I done?'"  As if he knew exactly what had flickered through my mind during the third or so week I was here.  After the initial bliss had temporarily subsided and I was beginning to realize that I did not have Harper and her unconditional love to return home to and I that I could not just drive over to my folks for dinner, or that I could stop in at the restaurant where I worked at in Claremont for years, to visit my old cronies and local friends with their new babies, new homes, new lives.  That was a rough one.  I remember telling my sister that I felt that way, and she said, "You're beginning to miss home too, aren't you?"  Of course I missed it.  I lived in So Cal for nearly 30 years.  It is all I know.  How could I not miss it?  I am human.  I bleed.  I cry.  I cry a lot because I am a hyper-emotional and sensitive being.  But let me tell you, after a good cry, I always feel a rush of relief, and oh how my eyes sparkle!  Grandma Porbanic used to tell me I was washing my eyes clean with tears and that they would sparkle afterwards.  She also used to say that lying on our tummies when we had tummy aches would get the "bubbles" out.  These bubbles were farts as I came to better know them as later in life.  I digress......all the time.....

So sure, I miss Harper, I miss my family and the familiarity of my geo surroundings, I miss the control over my schedule and commuting in the freedom of driving - actually my car moreso as materialistic as that sounds.  I miss nature, both the surrounding organic beauty and the accessibility.  I miss being able to get together with my friends or family if something special came up (as in....LIFE).  But here and now in NYC, I wake up each day excited at the adventure that awaits me, because every day on the subway and in the city is truly an adventure.  How packed will the subway be?  What characters would I see on my route to and from work that day?  Would I get to see my magical stained glass water tower to the north up the east river that I spotted during one of my first subway rides to work?  Would the water glisten in the summer sun, would I exchange smiles with a fellow subway passenger, what street vendors would be out peddling their wares?  Would I get to see a personified Statue of Liberty figure on stilts today walking the streets of Manhattan?  What concerts in the park, networking mixers, NYC committees, organizations, would I discover today?  Would the rays of sunshine streak through the high rises and through my floor to ceiling windows at work?  What patterns would the dramatic eastern clouds form for me today?  Yes, for me.  Because the city, the noise, the lights and sounds, the overstimulating characteristics of this gorgeous place I now called home - is what you make of it and is everyone's own creation, own gift.  It is well time to forge new friendships, to stay in closer contact with my family and friends through hand written letters, google hangout sessions, emails, phone calls, care packages.  Time to take life by the horns and ride it into the sunset each and every day.  Time to adorn myself in new fashion, to create a new look for myself, a new persona maybe?  And maybe someday I will even get another Harper. <3